Ahh, a new year, a hopefully new start, and continued writing in this here minutes! It is true, I have been somewhat an absentee mayor as of late, but fear not…I am trying again! But what to write about? So many yummy nuggets came all at me towards the end of the year. Most of them of the list, “mea culpa (but not)” variety. I had Kathleen Parker write about how she is so above it when it comes to writing, and how she doesn’t read her comments on her website articles, but upon further inspection the paltry comments therein lead me to believe it’s a point most moot for her. If only The Washington Post would take notice! David Brooks chimed in with his nugget of how the GOP needed to reach out to women, minority’s and independents if they have any political future. No, it was from the end of the year, I promise…although I can’t say whether or not it was just a reprint of a 2012 article. Ross Douthat reflected on his year as a right-wing blowhard, and found more often than not that he jumped on the hyperbole wagon too fast and too hard, scraping his knees and making him sure that this coming year he’ll try better. Looking at most of his output, this is unlikely.
But I want to start of the year with a bit of a softball. Susan Stamper Brown is one of those right-wing pundits that just don’t live in the country, or on this planet, I’d say galaxy, but that’s science that’s up for debate, so…we can only safely assume the earth is 6,000 years old and just move on from there. I’ve wrote about Ms. Stamper Brown before, her and those of her ilk, are evangelical Christians whose extreme piety is only matched by her supreme political ignorance. Not to be outdone by her more successful peers, Mrs. Stamper Brown came up with a list.
This list is a list of resolutions for Liberals to follow in 2014. It’s indeed something of a marvel to behold, seeing as her grasp on the political front is tenuous at best, that she tries to wrap her mind around what a Liberal might be. So instead of say, a human being, you get this Fox News inspired cartoon. I also love the beginning of her piece where she slides in this faux false equivalency of Liberals driving the Democrat Party out of the mainstream. Do what now? But that is another article for another time. Here we go!
Touch a Gun. I have forgotten to mention that Mrs. Stamper Brown recently moved to Alaska. In this move she naturally become a more feral conservative. So…guns. They don’t kill, they protect! She grumbles and burps out over a bloodied seemingly liberal carcass in her paws. I love the dead moose meat being lean and healthy line she puts in at the end. It’s just too bad that’s not the argument Liberals have against guns. While I do applaud her not making yet another “Oh Liberals are giants pansies who have never shot a gun” argument, I don’t think her notion that gun free zones are actually “Hey crazy gun nut…Free For All Shooting Time!” is correct at all. But she got it out of her system nonetheless.
Share In a Meaningful Debate. I love when right-wingers act like what they consider debate is somewhere approaching meaningful. Just look at the 24 Hour News cycle, and chiefly Fox News. There’s no debate to be had there at all, and meaningful? Please. Also, I don’t consider yelling at the top of your voice debate either. Mrs. Stamper Brown also assumes that her political ideological bent is indeed a correct one. But when your ideological house sees two sides to every story, in EVERYTHING, why even try debating at all. There’s facts and there’s lies, end of story. I love this line: “Using inane adjectives to discredit your opponent is juvenile and ignorant…“ I’m supposing some dirty liberal probably used a few words on her that she didn’t understand in a debate, and she got mad, started yelling, and lost. Additionally, being ignorant of most things gives the impression you’re good at debating, because people just stop trying to help you out of your ignorant hole.
Seek Truth. Hot on the heels of “meaningful debate” and abstaining for inane adjectives is a plea to seek knowledge and be informed. This is an odd one considering Mrs. Stamper Brown’s allergy to it on most occasions. I enjoy the two fold notion that Mrs. Stamper suggests forming new relationships to those who may not think as you do, and that liberals only get informed by watching MSNBC and Comedy Central. Which to be fair, of all the things that could inform somebody, you can’t really go wrong with MSNBC and Comedy Central. My favorite thing ever is that study that proclaimed Fox News viewers less informed on a variety of topics than uninformed people. Most assuredly, Mrs. Stamper Brown is one of those less informed types. She’s also saying that potheads are probably more informed than she is…scary thought.
Value Life. Ahh, here we go…deeper into the right-wing idiot morass. Of course, being a liberal, you absolutely abhor fetuses! Mrs. Stamper Brown rattles off a bunch of scary numbers of only the “reported” abortions that happen and suggests that indeed if fetuses were to be put on an endangered species list, suddenly liberals would care more. What? This is absurd and not really worth getting in to…again. These “scary” numbers don’t do anything for me personally. In fact, if this was written for a Liberal to follow, I think Mrs. Stamper Brown would’ve been better served not even including this point at all. It’s a great dig, which why I assume it’s in here in the first place, but these “scary” numbers are only good at ginning up uninformed evangelicals come election time. And because it still works like a charm in fly over country, we see it in this article as well.
Make Money. Because if you’re liberal you’re also probably poor, right? “If you have a job, be grateful, if not, go get one or create your own. Hop off that never-ending hamster wheel of “I can’t get a job because I have no experience,” stop blaming the economy and become part of the solution.” I love this “create your own job” pull yourself up by your own bootstraps horseshit. It’s been the right-wing go to card on this economy for the longest time. It looks like that economic plan isn’t really doing them any good. It’s even more galling when you notice that most of the states that take in the most welfare are proportionally red states, and most takers white people. That’s weird right? Yelling “STOP BEING SO POOR!” at people doesn’t work, and this gratefulness for any job is absurd. I thought this was America, dammit, anything’s possible! I also love her minimum wage bit, because that’s why the minimum wage was created in the first place right? Oh, history! Soon!
Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is. This is a short one because, yet again, this is more a Liberal hit piece than anything else. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised at this one, but I was really hoping Mrs. Stamper Brown would be able to teach Liberals something with this “list”. I was always of the mindset that if you live in a capitalistic society, work in a capitalistic society, that you were inherently participating in capitalism. According to Mrs. Stamper Brown Liberals either embrace capitalism or stop buying Apple products. Yup. That’s it. This supposes that Apple is single handedly the driving force of the American economy…and…wait…what IS she saying?
Do Charitable Work. Liberals are the most uncharitable people on the planet, according to some poll one time. What better way to give back than by giving back AND looking down on those less fortunate than you! It’s only christian. This is kind of a weird one. To be fair, the list has just dropped any pretense of being anything other than a hit piece. But this assumption that because the right-wing is predominantly evangelical means they’re more charitable and caring is absurd. At the very least the inherent piety is disgusting enough no matter what religious leanings Mrs. Stamper Brown adheres to.
Buy An SUV. I’m half surprised there wasn’t more to this one, like an actual sponsorship by a SUV manufacturer. Mrs. Stamper Brown prattles on and on about all the new features of a modern SUV and adds: “The additional money you will pay for in gas is well worth the safety you will gain.” So is this more like a “To-Do” list for Liberals? Because if there’s no job to be had, then one would assume that buying an SUV would be low on that list of things to own. What exactly would owning an SUV afford a Liberal in 2014...is this even a suggestion?
Become A Student of History. Hahaha. Very funny Mrs. Stamper Brown, suggest reading a biography as somehow a parallel to actually knowing some history. You could watch the History Channel and be more informed on history than a right-wing conservative. This addition to the list is proof positive of this idiocy. So the bullet point should be “Know something about World War II (Nazis bad)” ?
Read The U.S. Constitution. And no other country I suppose? So much for learning other things outside your wheelhouse, huh? I’m glad Mrs. Stamper Brown saved this one for last because if there’s one thing I’m not tired of is right-wingers thinking they got this whole government thing figured out because they read AT the constitution. Oh sure, you can read the constitution all day, but it doesn’t do you any good if you can’t absorb what it’s trying to say. What is supposed to be a governing document for our country is being turned in to some sort of religious artifact by the right-wing. Who, like their bible, have somehow been the only people to literally get it and no one else has the vaguest idea why, so you just have to trust them. Unfortunately, their reading of the constitution just so happened to coincide with Obama's 2008 election, so all those years where their vaunted constitution was actually being used as toilet paper by the W. administration, they couldn't be bothered to remember their 4th amendment right. More importantly they don't really seem all that interested in anything but the 1st and 2nd amendment anyways, so I don't really see a need to read the ENTIRE constitution to debate a right-wing blowhard.
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